The Way We Get By
by fletch92
Summary: C/B/N/S based. Chuck's POV. His life is full of secrets, kept by his three best friends. What secrets? And what happens when the foursome start to fall apart? Intertwines with tv show.
1. Chapter 1

1

_My First Ever Fan Fiction so please be nice…it does become more about the Chuck, Nate, Blair and Serena in the next chapters. This is just setting it up…_

He doesn't even flinch as the hand meets his face in a brutal punch. He falls to the floor, but he doesn't grimace. He takes it.

He has been the same punch bag all his life. When he trailed mud into the house after the game of hide and seek in central park at his 6th birthday party, when his mother found another new man to play with, when his mother finally became ill, when his business deals went wrong, when Lily van der Woodsen wouldn't call back.

And he expects it now. He deserves it now. He has never doubted that fact, never thought for one moment that his father shouldn't do this to him.

His father took care of him, gave him the lifestyle which he so blatantly required, and this was his way of thanking him. This was his way of showing that he was grateful for what his father did for him.

And so, he would take the punches. He would deal with the beatings. He wouldn't complain. He wouldn't fight back. And he definitely wouldn't show how much this hurt him.

It became more and more frequent, as if his father felt the need for it to happen routinely, as some kind of drug that helped him get through his life.

The first time the bruises had appeared, he hadn't gone into school. He had hidden at home.

But as he grew older, he started to thrive on the mystery that accompanied the bruises. He played on the pathetic curiosity of his schoolmates, he liked the ambiance. Everyone obsessed over what possible thing he could have down now, and what the other guy looked like. He fed the rumours, boying himself up to seem like he was a much more worthy person than he actually was.

And the fact that he had to come home to his father with the bruises, that's what he hated. He began to hide them, not wanting his father to see and feel guilty. His father didn't deserve that. When he was older, he stopped coming home after the worst beatings, he hid for a few days until he looked normal again. Then he went home and faced his father.

It was how he lived his life. He had never thought about anything different. He didn't question the hand he had been dealt, nor did he dislike it. It was just the way it was.

And Chuck Bass wouldn't have it any other way.


	2. Chapter 2

The best part about Nate being a clueless idiot was that he never noticed

The best part about Nate being a clueless idiot was that he never noticed. He didn't ask, he didn't care. Or at least he pretended not to.

So Chuck didn't need to explain. He didn't need to make him understand the relationship between father and son. Who would?

It wasn't that he needed to get away from his relationship with Bart, it was just that he knew it was easier this way.

This way, he could look at Nate and not see sorrow or pity. He could see his friend. And however clueless Nate was, Chuck was glad of this.

Blair and Serena were not clueless, they were not idiots. But they were subtle. They understood. Or at least they didn't ask questions.

Serena had once. Chuck didn't speak to her for three days. She never asked again.

Blair had once. Chuck pushed his desk over and stormed out. She never asked again.

Blair and Serena always took Chuck and Nate out for supper when Chuck came in with bruises. Nate loved it – he pretended he never understood why, that he liked the attention. And he liked it when it was just the four of them.

Chuck looked forward to these suppers. They were his reward, part of his compensation.

And they were the only time he could truly count on his friends. Serena was always the wild, untameable one who loved exchanging witty banter with Chuck, and never got too close. But when she saw the bruises, she became dependable, she became warm.

Blair was the proper, perfect, high-society lady who rarely deigned to speak to Chuck in public for fear of hurting her reputation. But when she saw the bruises, she became selfless, she became charming.

And Nate, he was the clueless idiot who didn't see anything. But when he saw the bruises, he always made sure Chuck didn't see his father that night. Chuck never knew this, but he continued to do it, for his friend.

Chuck was the heartless womanizer who plagued the upper east side. But when he was bruised, he could become the normal, friendly, down to earth teenager he was.

It was a way of life. None of them questioned it, they just accepted it. and in their own way, each was actually thankful for Bart's handiwork.


	3. Chapter 3

3

It was the time they spent truly alone after the dinners that made the four the unchallengeable rulers of the UES. However it may have seemed to the outside, they could not have been torn apart.

In public, they were four people in the same social circle. Blair and Serena were best friends. Nate and Chuck were best friends. Blair and Nate were together. Nate was in love with Serena. To the outside world.

But to them, in the security of Chuck's hotel room, none of them loved anyone more than the other. They loved each other equally. There were four of them. It wasn't normal, but it worked for them.

Jealousy.

It wasn't something they understood. Sure, Blair was jealous of Serena in the outside world. Sure, Chuck was jealous of Nate in the outside world. But in that room, every single one of them was perfect, was incomparable.

Serena was a blond bombshell. She was the fun one. She was the one who made them forget.

Blair was a mysterious beauty. She was the composed one. She was the one who made them remember.

Nate was a heartthrob. He was the relaxed one. He was the one who made it ok.

Chuck was an ass. He was the desperate one. He was the one who made it start.

And he didn't know how he still managed to stay a part of it. As far as he could see, he brought the least to the group. He was the useless one who didn't matter. But somehow, for some reason, they seemed to need him just as much as he needed them.

And none of them ever showed anyone in public. None of them needed each other in public. In public, they did what they had to do, what legacies were supposed to do.

And it was Bart that kept them going. Chuck took the beatings for this.


	4. Chapter 4

4

_Starts to follow television show more from now on…_

_This one is even shorter than usual, but the next chapter will be up shortly!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl etc._

_Thank you for the reviews, they are great and very encouraging, since this is all new to me!_

It was when Chuck saw them, at the wedding, that he first experienced jealousy.

Chuck had his women, Serena had her men. And Nate and Blair had each other.

But Serena didn't have Nate. Nate didn't have Serena.

It wasn't like that.

Until then.

Chuck had watched, wondering if Blair knew. It wasn't that they were doing something he hadn't predicted happening, they had been close to doing this plenty of times. But they had not done this, not in secret.

Chuck had felt betrayed. He had felt used. He had felt jealous.

The next morning, Chuck had bruises. He had spilt scotch all over Bart's business folder. It wasn't a mistake.

And this time, Serena didn't notice. Nate didn't realise. Chuck went home to his father.

And this time, Bart Bass saw.


	5. Chapter 5

Chuck hated them. He hated what they had done. He hated that they had forgotten him. He hated that Bart had finally seen everything.

And he hated that when Bart saw, he flinched.

Bart flew to Monaco that evening. He was gone for 3 months. He didn't call. He disappeared.

And so the bruises stopped.

The dinners stopped.

And they realised.

Serena understood.

Serena left the next night.

And only Chuck knew why.


	6. Chapter 6

Bart came back

Bart came back. Chuck had bruises.

Blair and Nate saw. They took him to dinner. They went back to his hotel room.

But it wasn't the same.

There was no blond bombshell. There was no fun. They could not forget.

Eventually, the dinners stopped.

The bruises did not.

Chuck stopped looking forward to it. He stopped hiding the hurt in his face. He stopped not showing Bart.

Blair was the only one who still noticed, still changed when she saw the bruises.

She didn't take him to dinner anymore, but she called him every time. She invited him to stay the night at hers every time. She watched Breakfast At Tiffany's with him every time. But then he stopped answering the calls.

He began to replace Blair with women. He began to replace Nate with alcohol. He began to replace Serena with drugs.

He began to understand that they didn't need him. Serena had her men. Blair and Nate had each other. Chuck had no-one.

But he wouldn't let anyone know.

He still talked to Nate in public. He was still Nate's best friend.

He still flirted with Blair in public. He was still the handsome pervert.

But behind closed doors, he was a wreck.


	7. Chapter 7

The whole story kind of changes style a bit from here on out, because it is more narrative… I don't really know what I think of

The whole story kind of changes style a bit from here on out, because it is more narrative… I don't really know what I think of it, it hasn't turned out quite like I wanted it to!

But anyway, I still want to know what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl etc.

The night Serena came back, Chuck began to hope.

He suggested it to Nate. Nate had forgotten everything.

Chuck saw Serena.

His heart plummeted, he was nervous, he was hopeful.

He was also expectant.

Out of the four, Chuck and Serena were the most experienced, the most enthusiastic.

He had expected it to be easy, he had wanted it so much.

When she refused, when she pretended she had changed, something snapped.

It was like the end. Confirmation that it was finally, definitively, over.

He couldn't, he wouldn't, accept it.

And that's why he had got aggressive. Not because he wanted Serena, but because he needed her, he needed Nate, he needed Blair. And it had been too long. The nameless, faceless whores…he wasn't going to pretend he didn't like them, but they weren't his. They couldn't do anything, they couldn't deal with Bart. And Chuck was tired of struggling on his own.

The beatings, which had now become so regular, were starting to frustrate Chuck. He no longer understood his father, he no longer felt the need to let him do this. He was starting to want to fight back, and that scared him more than anything. Because he knew he couldn't, after all these years, he knew he mustn't.

And Serena was the only thing that would make his need to fight back stop, would make the beatings worth it.

He was desperate. And she was oblivious.

She had forgotten. They had all forgotten.

So why hadn't he?


	8. Chapter 8

8

Am really sorry, my internet has been down for ages, and so I haven't been able to update!

But here is chapter 8. Like I said, the whole story changes style a bit, and am really unsure about it now, but I will keep writing to see how it turns out…

Please Review.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl etc.

8

He tried. He honestly tried.

But Jenny Humphrey didn't want him. And he couldn't pretend this didn't hurt him. He was Chuck Bass, so he would never show this. Rejection wasn't something he understood. But she hadn't helped him escape. And he had gotten more and more desperate, more and more aggressive with her.

And then Serena had shown up, as if she knew he was trying to forget everything, and was determined not to let him. It was torture.

Dan had punched him. He deserved it. He relished in the pain. He had taken it for Serena.

So he drank himself senseless. He went home. He found Bart. He interrupted a phone call. A cardinal sin in the Bass household.

His father hit him, hard, once, and then went back to his phone conversation.

Chuck wanted it, wanted to feel like the little shit he was. It was his way of making amends for what he had just done to Jenny Humphrey. And this way, people would think Dan had one hell of a strong punch. Small compensation, he knew, but Chuck Bass was not the type to repent in the open. He did things in his own way.

Bruised and lonely, Chuck sought out two hotel staff. He had fun. Nate was in the room. Chuck knew, in fact he had almost planned it, hoping his friend would remember the past, would want it again.

He tried to convince Nate he was having the lay of his life in that bed, that he didn't need him for anything. But he knew his sounds were unconvincing, were completely faked. They didn't prove that he didn't need Nate in his life.


	9. Chapter 9

9

Sorry it has taken so long, but for a while my internet was acting up, and at the moment I have some really serious exams coming up, so the updates will be slow, but here are two new chapters.

Please review.

9

Nate didn't even care in the morning. He barely acknowledged the presence of the two girls.

Chuck tried to ignore this, tried to remember that he wasn't supposed to think about Nate anymore. He was supposed to be forgetting, like the others.

He was just going to have to act, to pretend. He was used to pretending.

But he hated Serena. He wanted to hurt her. To make her feel what he had been feeling for the past year.

He hated Nate. He wanted to make him notice. To make him want what he had been wanting for the past year.

He loved Blair. He wanted to make her happy. To make sure that, even if things didn't work out for him, they did for her. Even if Nate was the only way to make this happen.

When he saw her rushing towards Dan Humphrey, he knew. He knew she knew. And he felt like a failure. He hadn't made her happy.

But maybe he could still make Serena pay.

That's why he told everyone, that's why he loved it. Maybe, finally, she would get what she deserved, she would pay for what she had done to him, to them.

But of course he knew that he was actually ruining any chance there was of returning to the past.

Now Serena hated him. Nate ignored him. Blair didn't trust him.

So he found that statue. He nursed his wounds. He began to forget, or at least give up.


	10. Chapter 10

10

10

Blair called him. She hadn't called him since he stopped answering her calls. He didn't answer. He was too scared.

He waited. He prepared himself. He made sure he expected nothing from the conversation.

Then he called.

She answered. She wanted his help. And he felt needed again.

Screw the other two, if Blair wanted him, he wanted her.

And he loved the fact that Blair hated Serena almost as much as he did. Blair wanted to see her pay too.

He would make sure that happened, even if it cost him everything.

But of course, it didn't cost Chuck Bass anything. Two black eyes were worth it.


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL ETC

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL ETC.

Please Review…I know it's short but I am so busy at the moment, it's all I can do.

11

Eleanor Waldorf was a cold hearted bitch. He knew that, he had always known that. But he didn't know she was stupid too.

He couldn't understand it. When Blair told him what had happened, when she called him in tears, he was speechless. He was unable to comprehend how.

Serena over Blair?

In the past, he might have understood, he might have seen what she had to offer. But now he was indifferent to her. He didn't see her charm, and he no longer hated her for what she had done – he had just accepted it.

And now he wanted to hurt Eleanor Waldorf. She was responsible for causing Blair so much pain, for causing her to 'go to the bathroom' every time she was with Serena. Only Chuck still noticed Blair's frequent disappearances, only he realised that it was still going on.

But he didn't know how to stop it. He didn't know how to help her.

Chuck Bass was lost.


	12. Chapter 12

This is slightly different, longer, and I am definitely not sure about it

This is slightly different, longer, and I am definitely not sure about it! not as used to writing in this style…

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl etc.

PLEASE Review

12

Bruises were the only thing he knew. The only way he knew how to get a reaction, how to have a reason.

So he broke a vase.

He went to Blair's in a bad state. The vase had been expensive, worth more than just a couple of blows. But it was the only excuse he could think of for going to see Blair.

When he entered the room, she looked happy: she was putting some photos of her and Serena up on the wall, laughing at some of the goofier ones. When she saw him, her smile faded, the laughter went from her eyes, and she rushed over to him, hugging him.

"Chuck! Are you ok? Oh my God, this is bad. This is worse than ever." She pulled him towards the bed and then rushed to the bathroom to get something cool to put on his bruises.

He sat on the bed, not sure what to do now. He had expected a crushed, helpless Blair to be sat in her room, after what he had heard about her day. He hadn't planned to take the smile off her face. He never wanted to do that.

He looked up at her as she walked back into the room, wanting to thank her for how she always looked after him, no matter what was going on in her life.

But she was looking away pointedly, and he couldn't bring himself to say it, to admit that he needed her.

He fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't have Blair. It was something he needed to accept now. He couldn't be with her, be the one to make her happy. That was Nathaniel's job.

But he could at least protect her. Her boyfriend sure as hell wasn't going to do that.

He excused himself from Blair's company and walked towards Eleanor Waldorf's study. This was his moment, his chance to help Blair, and he definitely wasn't going to let her know what he was doing.

"Ms Waldorf? Good evening?" He spoke politely, though hostility was clearly detectable in his tone.

"Charles? Oh, evening." She glanced up quickly from her papers, and then gasped. "Oh, were you in some kind of fight? Gosh, what happened?"

Chuck sighed, willing himself to remember that it was improper to be rude to your elders. But by God it was hard, that woman was such a conniving, selfish bitch. "Oh, this is what I would call, I s'pose, an outward reflection of your daughter's own state of mind. Let me put this in a way you might understand – the bruise, it's what you call an outfit, but instead of being on Blair, where it belongs, I suppose we traded clothes. She would never wear her heart on her, oh how appropriate, sleeve, in the same way I might."

Eleanor looked puzzled, and a little affronted. Chuck was trying to conceal his anger in a mess of complex metaphors, hoping to seem less rude, whilst still getting the point across.

"Charles, I don't understand, are you trying to tell me that those bruises, that's what my daughter is feeling on the inside?"

"Yes, Ms Waldorf, I am trying to say that your daughter, though she may hide it, gets one of these little bruises on her fragile ego every single time you choose Serena over her. And I'm trying to say that your daughter has manifested these little bruises into a big problem. You need to sort her out, she is in trouble, and you are her mother. This is your job."

With that, he walked out of the room, leaving the women chewing on her glasses, still shocked and confused by what had just happened. Chuck didn't expect it to make much difference, but at least Bart had helped him to help Blair once again.

Some things never change.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl etc

Disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl etc.

Please review…I know they are getting shorter and rarer, but it is all I can do at the moment!

13

Nate was back, back from his weekend in the Hamptons clearing out his boat.

Chuck's phone rang less. Noticeably.

It was only two days, but it was two days of sole dependence. He had been the one Blair called, for those two days. He had been the man in her life.

Or at least, while the other one was at work, he came out to play.

He didn't like it. He didn't like going back to sharing Blair. Not when it was Nathaniel he had to share her with. Nathaniel, who got what he wanted without lifting a finger, and didn't even have the sense to realise it. Nathaniel, who wanted what he couldn't have, and didn't even have the sense to see what he already had.

It was something Chuck had realised. Nathaniel. He had only used that name since the wedding. Never before did he feel the need to use this perhaps patronising and slightly sardonic address for his friend. It had always been Nate.

Nate was his best friend, who was happy with Blair, and loved consequences. Well, those of the beatings anyway. The one who Chuck trusted, who Chuck liked.

Nathaniel was the self-absorbed prick who was struggling to decide which of the designer cakes he wanted, and was in fact having both.

And Chuck was left starving.


End file.
